A Thinking Mind is a Paining Mind

Those days when I am sad , without a reason , 

and within something withheld,
I think and murmur ,with no words to spell,
And when I look around for something to dwell
I start cursing myself, I seek for the cause,
But search is pain and kills me with a pause,

Am I sad because of the condition of the country?
or because last night I saw a dying girl begging on the street . 
Is that my quandary?

Is it because of the rise of insanity in my neighbourhood?
or because yesterday an honest guy died fighting for justice,

and then they branded him a crook?

Life gets obnoxious with all these wandering thoughts.
And then I sleep for a while in my thoughtless drought
Though it's a misery of it's own kind,
I feel happy when I stop thinking and settle as a blind, 
Because deep within I know and understand , that
A thinking mind is a paining mind.

ऐसा है मेरा गाँव जहाँ की गलियाँ मुझे बुलाती हैं...

जहाँ आत्मा मेरी बसती है, अपनी भी कोई हस्ती है, 

जहाँ अपनों के गम में सब रोते और ख़ुशी हर्षाति है, 

ऐसा है मेरा गाँव जहाँ की गलियाँ मुझे बुलाती हैं| 

यहाँ की वायु में स्नेह है जो सहज मुझे सहलाती है, 

और बालों से खेलकर बुझे बच्चे सा फुसलाती है 

गर्मी के दिनों में आम की बगिया में मेरा घंटो खेलना, 

आज भी दिल में कहीं एक कसक छोड़ जाती है, 

ऐसा है मेरा गाँव जहाँ की गलियाँ मुझे बुलाती हैं| 

मेरा पुराना वो दलान जो था शायद कभी मेरे पुरखों की शान, 

आज है बिलकुल सूना , जैसे ढह चुका है उसका शान, 

उसकी गालियों के गुज़रते आँखों में जैसे सदियां बीत जाती हैं, 

ऐसा है मेरा गाँव जहाँ की गलियाँ मुझे बुलाती हैं| 

 

आज भी वो लोग हैं, वो रिश्ते हैं, पर वो एहसास मिट रहा है, 

शहर बनाने की तमन्ना में वो गाँव मिट रहा है, 

फिर भी गर्मी की छुट्टियों में और मिटटी की खुश्बू में 

एकाएक कहीं से दिल में एक लहर ही उठ जाती है, 

ऐसा है मेरा गाँव जहाँ की गलियाँ मुझे बुलाती हैं!

When Dreams die !

What to do when you feel lost in void with no hope or light? Those lonely nights when all seem lost and you start pondering over everything you could have done right with that ache in your heart. Those painful mornings when you simply don't want to get up and face the world, because “happy” people remind you of happiness that you have lost and probably will never get again. What do you do when Life shatters all your hope making you question your very own existence? How do you live ,when your dreams die?

Haven't we all gone through this at some point of time in our lives? So,why are we still asking this? Well, because everyone has to face one's own Kurukshetra and most of the times we have no ‘Sarthi’ like Krishna. We ourselves have to find our answers. And no one else can answer this for us. Absolutely no one.

In such moments, words, logic, philosophical quotes- stop making any sense. They all seem pretentious and fake. Only thing that helps, is silence and those talks with self. Grieving is an important part of getting over grief. So , we can cry, as much as we want. We can be angry with ourselves, world or Gods, for a while. It’s all okay. But as humans, after a while we are bound to get fed up with all of this. That is the moment we realize even darkness has a special light. That is the precise moment we must start looking for that Light ,that hope ,that dream. Because it is our duty to dream again. We owe it to ourselves.

Philosophers of the world have dived deep into this question and almost all of them have come to similar conclusion. From Buddha to Krishna, Socrates to Dalai-lama, all of them suggested only one way- “Detached-Attachment”.

In course of life we generally get attached to certain people or things in such a way that we never want to lose them. We do everything in our capacity to keep them close and after a while start equating them with our Happiness or even Life. Anything else, without them, appears meaningless and it becomes impossible for us to imagine our life without them. This part is called "attachment".

However, we must realize that despite our best wishes and efforts, life will charter its own course. We will fail to fulfill some dreams despite everything. There are myriad factors that decide the fulfillment of one's dream and sometimes those factors are against us and we can do nothing about them. In this vastness of universe we are a tiny dust particle and we have no control over 99.99% of things. Sometimes things will happen as per our wishes, most of the times they won’t. That's Life and that's how it has always been .All we can do is try to control the controllable and pray the uncontrollable act in our favour, while simultaneously accepting that they might not, and that's okay.

In such moments only thing that can help us pick up those broken pieces is "acceptance". We must accept the fact that life will go on , with or without us. There is no finality in Life. We give meaning to it. So no dream can be the final one. Everything changes as time and space around us change. As humans we are meant to dream new dreams. That has been our biggest survival mechanism since the beginning.

So while attaching ourselves to our Dreams,we must be detached to the outcomes so that we could continue this journey, realizing the impermanence of everything. Nothing is going to be here forever. Everything is transient and it will all vanish one day, sooner than later. This realization has power to give us the reason to live and continue in our own pursuit. It gives us courage to Dream again.

As Gramsci said, “The challenge of modernity is to live without illusions and without becoming disillusioned”. I would say, that's the greatest challenge of Life as well.

So when dreams die - Dare to dream another dream and another one . That's the only way to live.

स्क्रीन पर उँगलियाँ चलाते चलाते ...

स्क्रीन पर उँगलियाँ चलाते चलाते जब थक जाता हूँ ,
तो छत की तरफ देखता हूँ , उस पर बैठे कबूतर को देखता हूँ ,
उसकी उन्मुक्त उड़ान को देखता हूँ|

सुबह जब उठते ही सारे ऐप खोलकर देख लेता हूँ,
तो फिर अपनी दुनिया को खोलता हूँ, अपने आप को देखता हूँ,
आप को देखता हूँ|

नेटफ्लिक्स और प्राइम की दुनिया से जब पूरी तरह ऊब जाता हूँ ,
तो फिर किताबों की तरफ देखता हूँ, कहानियों की तरफ देखता हूँ,
किरदारों की तरफ देखता हूँ|

टीवी पर, मोबाइल पर, लैपटॉप पर, जब सबकुछ देख लेता हूँ,
तो फिर लोगों की तरफ देखता हूँ , रिश्तों की तरफ देखता हूँ,
सपनो की तरफ देखता हूँ, अपनों के तरफ देखता हूँ|

गैर ज़रूरी इतनी सारी चीज़ें देख लेता हूँ, सुन लेता हूँ, सोच लेता हूँ,
कि फिर और कुछ नहीं सोचता,
बस रेत सी फिसलती ज़िन्दगी को देखता हूँ,
कई अधुरे कामों को देखता हूँ, खुद से किये वादों को देखता हूँ,
और स्क्रीन पर उँगलियाँ दौड़ाते, बस यूहीं देखता रहता हूँ…

The "Society" That I Live In ...!!!

Since my childhood I have been told that Man is a social animal and he needs a society to live and grow in.The human civilization also began with people forming groups and developing a living with the collective effort of everybody.All these instances are self evident in proving that society is a must for an individual to grow.So I have always had this belief instilled in me that Society is a good and essential place for the growth and development of an individual.These axiomatic beliefs are widely accepted and to a great extent truely so.

But when I grew up and started observing the society around me and the impact it has had on the lives of my generation and several others preceding mine.The answer I got really shook the basic foundation of all my belief system.Society earlier being the most essential component of growth of its people,has lost its vitality and is declining rapidly.And the most alarming thing is that ,it has now been reduced to mere a hindrance in the growth of an individual.It has now just become a tool to prevent people from becoming,saying and doing what they actually want.What a contradiction?The thing that came into existence for the growth of people ,has become people's worst enemy.

Let me trace back to the fateful time when I was brought out in this world.I do not remember but I heard that they were all so happy.Especially because I was a boy and hence a fixed deposit in other words ,I guess.Gradually I started growing and getting myself attached to the fabrics of society.I was taught ,in school and at home,the difference between right and wrong,rich and poor,and moral and amoral.I imbibed all such teachings very diligently and started forming the foundation of my own morality.I understood that greed ,jealousy,hate and anger are all sin and life lived with honesty ,in the service of others is only worth living.These were the things I learnt from various books and their interpretation and implementation by Great people.So I grew up in my fairy story with the firm conviction that I would live my whole life on such principles and ethics.

But when I entered into the school of life ,I found myself confused and betrayed.Because everything learnt and followed till date ,started looking vague and useless.Everything seemed to be laid upon some strange principles and I was all lost in this completely different world.Hence my so called 'mentors' started conditioning me so that I could become a better 'product' in this market.They made me believe that 'honesty is the best policy' kind of things look better on answer sheets of exams and strictly need to be forgotten for a better life.Truthfulness and sacrifice should be left for Gandhi jee. And manipulating the results is better than working hard for it.Money should be the top priority,and anything required to achieve it ,is fair.

I tried to sustain my ideas but the blow was too strong.I saw my peers getting succumbed to such blows and leading a so called luxurious life.I was tempted too.But something inside me was still alive that never stopped questioning them and they never liked it. They started deciding subjects I should study,field I should make a career in,people I should be in contact with,and ideals I should have in my life.Initially I thought they really cared for me ,but I was again wrong.They wanted to mould me into a 'better product' so that market could appreciate them and me too.And I realized it when I saw so called educated people forcing their children into studying something else,while they were very passionate and interested in other fields.What made them do so?Their concern for their child or their own greed or false pride?I fail to understand.

I realize their callousness when I see my society abusing and discarding honest people only because of their honesty.According to my society they lack "pragmatic attitude".They can't take bribes, can't do forgery and can't manipulate people, and hence they are not fit to live in this society.I feel disgusted when I see people tempting their children and family members to take bribe because it is accepted by everyone.We see honest people being maimed,tortured and killed,and nobody even sheds a tear for them.May be because they don't belong to this society where honesty and truthfulness is strictly prohibited.Look at the status of women in our society.Women to the least are a rape victim and at the best a puppet in the hand of their men.I live in a society that considers their sons a fixed deposits and their daughters a burden.

The purpose of education is not only to get a nice job,nice salary,nice life and a nice wife.If the knowledge can not liberate one's mind ,then its futile.And to a great extent we have failed to impart that kind of knowledge.But our society is very happy and content with this kind of education system because it helps in producing higher breed of 'products'and helps them play this sinful game in their 'market'.Why does an IAS officer,a minister or a learned person become corrupt?Because our society makes them so,by inculcating in them false values and ethics.A system has been built where its almost impossible to be honest and true.That system is followed and worshiped by our society. And that is why I hate my society.

They boast about the superiority of our civilization .But are we really civilized?We are a society that has the highest rate of female foeticide cases,where women still are a prisoner,where a rape victim is treated worse than the rapists themselves ,where the chasm between rich and poor is the widest, where corruption is at its peak and where thousands of people are still killed in the name of God.Just think.Are we really civilized?I hate the society that divides people on the basis of caste ,creed,religion,sex and adopts biased approach towards the less privileged ones.

At last when the dark clouds are hovering in the sky ,I want to love my society.I want it to change itself fundamentally.I want to inculcate in my society the ideals that I learned in books.I want to believe and make others believe that 'life lived in the service of others' is only worth living.I want to live in a society that is formed, by people and for people,not against it.I want to live in a society where they let their children follow their hearts, where women are not mere an object of lust ,where girls are not a burden but a parallel force of development,where they don't bring up their children only to later sell them in "market",where they learn to respect and love everything.And I want to live in a society where honesty and truthfulness drives its growth,not selfishness and greed.I want to live in a society where we would find god in every soul and not in some random stones.And then eventually I want to cry out loud that 'I love my society'. BUT.....

To everyone who could not cry , It's all right .

To everyone who could not cry , It's all right .
The broken dreams amidst myriad fights ,
If you couldn't stand tight , It's all right .

You dreamt of it , but couldn't achieve,
You tried so hard but din't succeed,
The days and the nights , in those lonely fights ,
If the dark clouds took over the light,
I tell you My friend , It's all right.

If the pain was deep and the heartbreak tough,
If you gave it all and still Life was rough ,
If you wanted to stand but couldn't get up ,
If after all the fall , you didn't give up ,

I just want to say , on this bright sunny day,
If you still Smile, with all your Might,
Remember My friend , It's all right .

When I look for a Hero , I find Myself !!!

In the world of unknowns, 

and amidst deafening moans,
when I look into my soul, I find myself.
In the silence of my thoughts, 

and in my lonely talks,
When I seek for the answer, I find myself.

In the chaos of the life and its selfish race,
When I look behind , I find myself.

In those pointless laughs 

and pretending-to-be-happy talks,
when I talk to my heart, I find myself.

I am not always happy, neither always right,
still I fear being sad in those gloomy nights,
when my whole world seems to fall apart, 

when every word seems to pinch me hard,
In those desperate moments, and desperate needs,
When I look for a hero, I find myself .